It’s been a tough month to say the least. Hard financially, hard emotionally, hard heart-wise. One of those times where you just *ache* for a move of God. All the same, I’ve felt God’s presence–felt like He was right there despite all appearances. Let me share two “whoa” moments that happened this last week.
1.) It’s a thursday night. Storms have knocked out power since about 6pm. My hubby heads off to a movie with the girls. I’m at home with the twins–and candlelight. All the while remembering how easily candles can burn a home down. Things that week have been very hard on me. I’m feeling very much abandoned and forgotten (yeah, I know…that’s not true, but it’s how I felt and even though I battled those thoughts, they were still there). Anyway, the boys and I are sitting there coloring. I have a box of 72 colored pencils. Can’t see worth beans, since it’s about 7:30 now and all I have are candles. I’m near the verge of tears, but knowing how much that unsettles the kids, I hold the tears back. I need a gray pencil. Is there even a gray in this box? I tilt the box downward hoping to dump several out. Guess what. Only *one* pencil slides out. A gray one. I look out the open window (we have a porch where it won’t get wet if we open the windows on a stormy night), and I know God is there. He knows. He sees my pain. He sees my heartache. The pain lessens a tad.
2.) This week I read Karen Ball’s Shattered Justice. I saw the cover at the ACFW Conference in Nashville, but I couldn’t afford to buy it. This cover is by far one of my favorites of all time. Something about the image just really clenched my heart. I start her first chapter and I’m riveted, which is really hard to do since I consider myself an “impatient reader.” Ya don’t grip in the first few pages, I won’t read it. Well, Karen’s book did that and more. So, I read…and read…and read. And! I found myself getting angrier and angrier and angier. What was happenign to her character Dan Justice (though fiction) mirrors a lot of the pain I’ve been feeling lately. THEN!!! THEN! Then Karen has this note at the back of the book. I could swear (even though I don’t LOL) that God had her pen that *just for me.* I bawl. I know I’m angrier than I realized ever before. I so appreciate her honesty in that note that “I’m not there yet.”
That was an epiphany for me. I knew right then that *that* is WHY I want to write. I want to touch a nerve in people, get them to drop their defenses. To clear away the clutter in their lives so they can move into clear, loving fellowship with God.
I’m not 100%. I’m not pain-free…the circumstances are still there, the trials are still going on. But in God, I have hope. And dreams.
So, tell me–WHY DO YOU WRITE? Why do you do what you do?